(This is a meme going around Ravelry right now, it basically just means that you write a letter to something or someone and post it on the internet.)
Dear body-of-mine: Kindly knock it off. I realize that you don’t like having cough-variant asthma; it’s not fun for either one of us. And I realize that since you had a really bad cough Friday afternoon, it was probably not a good idea to go on a double-date to the movies. In my defense, I pre-medicated with an inhaler and drank lots of hot sweet tea to soothe your poor raw throat. Apparently, it was not enough, because you insisted on being given cough medicine with codine in it before you shut down for the night.
Sleeping in till 12:30 on Saturday was actually kinda nice. It screwed over any chance I had of getting things done, but I apparently needed the rest. It was also nice of you to cooperate long enough that I could get my scholarship essay done and mailed and post a review on my blog. The poor thing was looking seriously lonely. HOWEVER: chicken noodle soup is indeed good for you. Particularly when you are not at top performance. If I keep you diluted with water and various kinds of nice tea and cough drops – the nice honey lemon ones, not the nasty medicinal tasting cherry ones that make you feel ill after only three – and then give you hot soup on top of that when you’re feeling down, regifting my offerings to the toilet bowl is perhaps the most ungrateful response a person can get from their body. And then you didn’t even apologize, you just checked out for three hours. Also, making me dizzy enough that I have to lie down on my much-abused stomach with a pillow under my chest to eat dinner is highly counterproductive. If you’d just hold off long enough to let me get some light food in our stomach, I promise you’d feel a lot better.
Yesterday wasn’t much better. At least you evicted Dizziness and Nausea Co. from the premises, but then you invited Earache and Joint Pain over for the weekend, and a Category Three Headache has somehow parked itself over my head. Also, it wasn’t very polite of you to shut down your throat while I was trying to get things sorted with my friends. Both of them told me to shut up, get off the phone, and go to sleep. While I didn’t sleep, working on the shawl and doing Calculus without talking certainly seemed to placate you, and you were nice enough to let me finish up that situation. Thanks also for letting me keep the soup last night down, it certainly helped.
Apparently this morning Joint Pain decided to go somewhere else. That was nice; it meant I wasn’t going crazy with pain. However, I guess Earache decided to have a party to celebrate, which means the Headache has been upgraded to a Category Four. Also, you need to get better security; somehow Bronchitis or Sinus Infection (or both) got in here overnight, and I’ve had to call in the heavy artillery to boot them out. Making me cough hard enough that I think I’m going to hurl is not an appropriate protestation form. Neither is making my breastbone feel so tight I think it’s going to snap every time I cough.
Please get your act together. I have one semester left before graduation, and I really cannot afford to miss weeks of school on end due to sickness. I understand you not wanting to go today and rebelling by waking me up every thirty minutes last night. I didn’t agree with the school board’s decision either. Make-up snow days should be tacked on the end of the year (after seniors graduate), not on federal holidays. However, you’ve now had a day of R&R. Let’s get some stuff done, shall we? ~LT
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Dear Jeff-the-wonder-PA:
Thank you for getting on the ball and seeing me ASAP. Last time I saw you, my lungs and everything were clear, but you had a hunch and sent me in for an x-ray. Good call: I had bronchitis then too. Now it’s back, and you’ve already put me on antibiotics. You are a wonderful person.
~Grateful patient LT
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Dear Bronchitis:
Take a hike. Nobody likes you.
~LT (and her mom)
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Dear Halls:
I like your cough drops. They work quite nicely, and I don’t mind paying a little extra for them because they work so nicely. (And they don’t turn my tongue funny colors like the Kroger generic ones. Just saying.) I also like the fact that they come in little resealable packages. However, if you are going to mark a little dotted line that says “Tear on this line” and expect us to believe you, you might want to make sure that the line is actually perforated all the way through. That way, your already-sick-and-upset-customers won’t be even more disgruntled because they tore along the dotted line and then had to perform surgery on a plastic bag that refused to open.
~LT
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