Singing with the Lutherans

I know I promised no religious jokes, but since I’m a Lutheran, I can poke fun at myself.  For those of you who don’t know me IRL, I go to Emmanual Lutheran church, a church of the LCMS*.  I’ve gone there pretty much all my life, except for the year and a half I lived in Minnesota.  While in the land of the Lutherans, I also went to a traditional Lutheran church.  I have been witness to all of these things and participated in several of them.  This was part of an email from Garrison Keeler; the rest of the email is really long.

FUN FACTS ABOUT LUTHERANS

1. Lutherans believe in prayer but would practically die if asked to pray out loud.
2. Lutherans like LOVE to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.
3. Lutherans believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital, even if they don’t notify them that they are there.
4. Lutherans usually follow the official liturgy^^ and believe it is their way of suffering for their sins.
5. Lutherans believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially during their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.
6. Lutherans feel that applauding for their childrens’ choirs would make the kids too proud and conceited.
7. Lutherans think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle when greeting or passing the peace.
8. Lutherans drink coffee as if it were the third sacrament.
9. Some Lutherans still believe that an ELCA** bride and an LCMS* groom make for a mixed marriage.
10. Lutherans feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.
11. Lutherans are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at church.
12. Lutherans think that Garrison Keeler^ stories are completely factual.
13. Lutherans still serve Jello in the proper liturgical color of the season^^ and think that peas in a tuna noodle casserole add too much color
14. Lutherans believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.
15. It can be 100 degrees outside with 90% humidity, and Lutherans will still drink coffee after the service.
16. Lutherans will hear something funny during the service and smile as loudly as they can.
17. Lutherans have donuts as a line item in the budget, just like coffee.
18. Lutherans keep the communion cabinet open to all, but the coffee cabinet locked up tight.
19. When watching a Star Wars movie and they say “May the Force be with you”, Lutherans respond “and also with you.”
20. Lutherans take fifteen minutes to say goodbye.
21. If you’re dying, Lutherans will comfort you; if you’re lonely, they’ll talk to you; and if you’re hungry, they’ll give you tuna salad.

(End email stuff.)  Seriously, though, there’s something special about singing in four-part harmony (something Lutherans are known for).  I have fond memories of being eight years old in Minnesota and being taught how to sing on-key by my grandpa and how to find the harmony by my mother.  There’s something special about being in a small church of about a hundred people and listening to that four-part harmony in any number of old hymns (which I happen to love). 

We’re a funny denomination.  We’ve been teased about our blandness, our excessive calm, our lack of speed and our secret fondness for macaroni and cheese.  (Guilty.)  But nobody sings like us, and that’s something, at least, to be proud of.

TERMS

*LCMS: Lutheran Church Missouri Synod.  Very conservative and traditional, for the most part.  The *only* synod to be in, dontcha know.  JKJKJK

**ELCA: Evangelical Lutheran Church of America.  Much more liberal and contemporary.

^Garrison Keeler: author and humorist; worked with Prairie Home Companion; very popular/famous up in MN.

^^proper liturgical color of the season/liturgy: the liturgy is the format we use for our sermons (at least in my church).  It involves a lot of response reading and is very deeply rooted in scripture.  The seasonal color thing refers to the colors that you sometimes see on altar cloths and, in my church, the color of the robe ties.  It’s church seasons, not earth seasons.  Pentacost is red, Advent is purple or blue, Christmas is white, Lent is purple (with Ash Wednesday and Good Friday being black), Easter is white and gold.  That explains the Jello comment.

 Eh… I have a volleyball tourney in Brookville tonight, so I need to do homework.